Earlier this year I was challenged by something my pastor said in one of his messages. He said something to the effect of, "You know you are growing into a deeper relationship with God when you can pray with total abandon, trusting God with every aspect of your life."
This thought stuck with me for a while. I knew I wanted to trust God completely but I also knew that I was clinging to areas of my life where I wanted control.
I began to pray that God would meet me where I was and help me grow to a place where I could honestly pray for God's will in everything.
It was about this time that I heard a song on Family Life Radio that really ministered to me. This song, "Blessings" by Laura Story, spoke to me so deeply that I would cry when I heard it. I would think of all the godly people in my life who had endured various trials and had come through them on the other side as better people—not by their own power but because of God's grace and His power working in their lives.
Little did I know that He was preparing my heart for what He was about to reveal to me.
Last summer, I was diagnosed with breast cancer. What doctors had said was just a fibrous cyst turned out to be malignant. Needless to say I was very shocked.
All of a sudden I found myself in a place where I had no control, it was very frightening. But God is faithful. Almost immediately He gave me a promise from His Word. 2 Corinthians 12:9 says, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."
God was asking me to give it all to Him with total trust and total abandon. I knew this was my refining fire moment. If I trusted God, He would give me His grace and peace.
Today is my first chemo treatment (I'm getting it right now) and He has walked with my family and me through a bilateral mastectomy, recovery, therapy, and now He is here for my treatments.
I can honestly say that His grace has been sufficient for me, even on the most difficult days. It is my prayer that as I continue on this journey that I may be perfectly weak so that He may be perfectly strong.
I thank Him for answering my prayers and for giving me a peace that passes all understanding. The song "Blessings" is my testimony now, how God has walked with me through adversity and has given me mercies in disguise.