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Thank you for attending the Family Life Radio Fest on June 11, 2023, in Glendale, AZ! We hope you had a blessed time joining together as one family for a time of worship – and fun.
The window to enter this contest ended on Friday, September 1, 2023.
Why you need both on your journey with Jesus
Before He was a lamb on the cross, He was a baby in a manger. Be honest — when you think of the manger scene, don’t you think about a cute, cuddly, cooing little baby Jesus? When you see a newborn baby, you don’t think, Wow, look at that mighty, powerful, warrior! No, most of the time you say, “Aww … she (or he) is perfect. They look just like … (insert the name of the parent you like the best).
In reality, you can look at Jesus and see both a warrior (lion) and a child (Son of God). He is both in tandem. In 1984, Christian musical artist Twila Paris released a powerful song titled, “The Warrior is a Child.”
Here are a few of the lyrics:
Lately I’ve been winning battles left and right
But even winners can get wounded in the fight
People say that I’m amazing
I’m strong beyond my years
But they don’t see inside of me
I’m hiding all the tears
They don’t know that I come running home when I fall down
They don’t know who picks me up when no one is around
I drop my sword and cry for just a while
‘Cause deep inside this armor
The warrior is a child
The song is sung from the perspective of a believer, but it could easily be about Mary, the mother of Jesus. Many theologians believe Mary was between 12-16 years old when Jesus was born. There is a good chance she still felt like a child compared to the adults who surrounded her. What a weight to carry at such a young age.
Considering your relationship with God, you will always be the child, no matter how much you try to project the warrior within. Jesus instructed us to become more like a child.
“He called a little child to him and placed the child among them. And he said: ‘Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven’” (Matthew 18:2 NIV).
God is waiting for the child in the soul of each warrior to run to Him. We must each become a child who is willing to sprint back to Him regardless of what we’re wearing, where we’ve been, what we’ve seen, what we’ve spoken or who we’ve become.
To live as a warrior seems far cooler than to live as a child. It can be a natural response to years of bumps, bruises, fights and let-downs. It’s easy to cling to the warrior, viewing the child as weak and ineffective. But oddly enough in God’s upside-down kingdom, the child is what is required to conquer the nations.
The irony is the warrior and the child must co-exist. One without the other accomplishes little. They balance each other. Too much child and nothing is conquered, although great intentions exist. Too much warrior and aggression overcomes obedience. You conquer but you don’t think about the ramifications.
The child keeps the warrior focused on what’s right; the warrior keeps the child from shrinking away to inactivity.
It’s an important fact to know, because sometimes we have to drop our swords and allow God to minister to the child within.
Children behave in such wonder during the Christmas season. As we get older our identity can appear more warrior than child, but very few things are as precious as seeing a child open a present on Christmas morning. They express such purity, such expectation. They may tear off the wrapping paper like a warrior, but their countenance is one of a child.
There are times to be a warrior. There are times to take ground and conquer the enemy. Nothing illustrates this more than Jesus’ return in Revelation 19:11-16.
“I saw heaven standing open and there before me was a white horse, whose rider is called Faithful and True. With justice he judges and wages war. His eyes are like blazing fire, and on his head are many crowns. He has a name written on him that no one knows but he himself. He is dressed in a robe dipped in blood, and his name is the Word of God. The armies of heaven were following him, riding on white horses and dressed in fine linen, white and clean. Coming out of his mouth is a sharp sword with which to strike down the nations. ‘He will rule them with an iron scepter.’ He treads the winepress of the fury of the wrath of God Almighty. On his robe and on his thigh he has this name written: king of kings and lord of lords” (NIV).
He was clearly a warrior, but he was also clearly a child. John 5:19 says, “Jesus gave them this answer: ‘Very truly I tell you, the Son can do nothing by himself; he can do only what he sees his Father doing, because whatever the Father does the Son also does’” (NIV).
He was fully dependent on His father. Some would say that a child who is fully dependent on their father has not fully matured, but in the Kingdom of God this isn’t the case.
We were not created to mature to a place where we no longer need our Father God.
We are always dependent upon His grace, mercy, kindness and love.
This Christmas season as you journey toward Christ, begin by evaluating your dependence on Him. It’s okay to be a warrior, but you are required to be a child. He wants you to cast every care on Him (1 Peter 5:7). He wants you to pray to Him without ceasing (1 Thessalonians 5:16-18).
The best warriors know how to follow their leaders’ commands. The best children know how to honor their parents. Jesus was able to make the warrior and child at peace within the heart of the believer, both able to be summoned as the circumstances demanded.
Warrior and child. Lion and Lamb. Both were in the manger that beautiful night, and both are also in you.
When you think about the hardship Jesus endured, even at birth, you can’t help but appreciate the Father God that much more. He did not take the easy road because He understood it’s a road most of humanity would be unable to relate to. Instead, Jesus’ journey was fraught with stress from day one.
When you come to a season that should be joyful, should be fulfilling and should be celebratory, but you feel none of those emotions you can be tempted to feel like a failure. Refuse to succumb to your emotions and instead, be led by the Spirit as Jesus modeled.
Jesus may have had every right to feel ashamed of his financial or social status, but He didn’t have time for that. He was overcome by purpose. He had battles to win! While it’s tempting to dress yourself permanently in sheep’s clothing, sometimes you have to be a warrior. Sometimes you have to fight for the life you want — the life He has for you.
That night in a manger a baby was born, a perfect lamb and a perfect warrior. On your journey to Christ there will be times you rest in His presence and times you engage in spiritual warfare. Our prayer for you this Christmas is for you to be graced with the discernment of who you must be when it’s required of you.
If you missed the first or second blog in this special Christmas series, you can find it here – Nicely Wrapped – Is your heart an attractive gift to God? and here – The Joy Box
Reevaluating the purpose of your faith step
We don’t give Joseph enough credit. Mary gets a great deal of the focus in the story of Jesus, and rightfully so. Elizabeth exclaimed, “Blessed are you among women, and blessed is the child you will bear” (Luke 1:42 NIV)! And an angel of the Lord said, “Greetings, O favored one, the Lord is with you” (Luke 1:28 ESV)!
Blessed and favored by God is not a bad place to be. What more could you want?
Then there’s Joseph. He got no such description, but don’t be deceived. He was not just along for the ride. Joseph was a man of great faith. He carried the burden to protect this prophetic moment. He was responsive to the dreams God gave him, and let’s not forget about his humanity. Joseph felt fear, doubt and insecurities — just as we do. Ever since Adam, men have forsaken the weight of responsibility, but not Joseph. Let’s look at the reality of his situation.
- He did not impregnate Mary, but he was now committed to care for her as his wife, trusting in this immaculate conception. There had to be more than one moment when he thought he was losing his mind. Did an angel really visit him? Did he just have too much wine? Was the heat getting to him?
- He had to take his pregnant wife on a long journey … on a donkey. Not the ideal prenatal care Mary needed. What if something happened to her on the journey? What if they were robbed? What if she fell off the donkey and something happened to the baby?
- Unfamiliar city? Baby on the way? No problem, we’ll just stay at a local inn. Wait, what? Joseph, didn’t you book the hotel? He must have felt an unbelievable amount of stress. They had no place to go with Mary just hours from giving birth to the Son of God! THIS COULD NOT BE HAPPENING. Did Joseph feel like a failure? Did he feel like he was neglecting his responsibility? You can imagine the sense of urgency pulsing through his veins.
- Yay! Finally! Jesus is born! No robe for him. No silk sheets. Nope, he gets swaddling clothes and stuck in a feeding trough. Not exactly the ideal environment for the Savior of the World. Joseph may have patted himself on the back for making it happen against all odds, but feelings of failure also had to prod at his psyche.
- Finally, Joseph could breathe. It wasn’t the ideal pregnancy, but hey. He kept Mary safe and healthy, and now Jesus was here. What’s that? Jesus is being hunted by Herod the Great? Joseph probably had one of those, “Are you serious, God?!” moments. We’ve all had them. And back on the road they go.
If this wasn’t such a serious, history-shaping story, it could have also been a comedy. One let down after another with the weight of the world on his shoulders, but Joseph didn’t falter. He accepted the weight of responsibility, but more importantly, he embraced what it looks like to live by faith.
When we think about taking a faith step, we’re not always focused on the step.
We view the step as unavoidable to accomplish what we really want. We don’t like the faith step. We don’t even like the journey. We simply want the treasure at the end of the rainbow, so we take the step. Generally, we take the step with no intention of acknowledging the importance of the step until AFTER we have finished the journey.
- But what if there is no treasure at the end of the rainbow?
- What if the journey we thought would yield such great fruit and reward ended in mediocrity?
- What if we deem the result of the faith step a failure?
- What if there is no hotel, only a manger?
If this is the case, you may need to re-evaluate the purpose of the faith step.
The Faith Step Isn’t a Guarantee
There are no guarantees your faith step will end as you hope. We look at Abraham and Isaac and use the story of Abraham’s faith step as a doctrinal stance to believe in God’s unwavering protection, but how then do we justify Paul’s imprisonment, Stephen’s martyrdom or Christ’s crucifixion? Their faith steps didn’t lead them to 6-figurebook deals, a Christian speaking circuit or an invitation to be the keynote speaker at a major leadership conference. They had a goal in mind, but they understood their goals may not be God’s goals. They had to be ok with wherever the faith step would take them.
- They focused on the glory found in being chosen to take any step at all to advance the Gospel of Jesus Christ.
The Faith Step is Enough on Its Own
Looking back on life, we can appreciate the journey. We can relish the wins and the losses, the grief and the joy. Our life plays out like our favorite movie, full of ups, downs, plot twists and nail-biting thrills. However, we can’t script our life as we would a movie. Why? Because as a follower of Jesus, we are not the authors of our story. We are actors in an ever-changing script, fully reliant on the author and director to guide us through every scene. We don’t need to know if our life will be a box-office hit. We just need to focus on the scene we are in, no matter how mundane or seemingly inconsequential.
2. Sometimes the faith step is really a faithful step. It’s being present where you are and trusting the final product to the creator and director of the script.
The Faith Step is Yours to Own
You can’t blame your inaction on others. At the end of their lives people often say they regret the things they didn’t do, more than the things they didn’t do well. They don’t clamor for more work time; they regret not spending more time with their family. They anguish over not taking the risk. They are disappointed they let others intimidate them into apathy. They feel remorse for not standing up for the poor, broken and mistreated. They wish they’d done more with the years they were given. All of these regrets stem from faith step avoidance.
3. The faith step is yours to take, nobody else’s. Own it, take it and if it doesn’t turn out as you would have hoped, at least you were obedient.
Do the thing God’s asked of you, no matter how ridiculous it may seem. Do it with no guarantees, other than the satisfaction of obedience, and trust the results to God.
Let your faith step be your first step to the person He has called you to be.
Joseph couldn’t be Mary. He was not tasked to carry Jesus. He could only do what He could do. And while his faith step probably never turned out as he predicted, you can’t argue with the result of his faithfulness.
Your story may not look like you had hoped, but your story is not over. Just take it one step at a time.
If you can look back at this holiday season and with certainty declare that your faith has increased and you are experiencing the blessings of obedience, you too will be highly favored.
If you missed the first, second or third blog in this special Christmas series, you can find it here – Nicely Wrapped – Is your heart an attractive gift to God? , here – The Joy Box and here – The Warrior & Child
3 life-changing resolutions to make today
It’s a new year, and with the new year comes new resolutions, or perhaps old ones which need to be repeated. Some people create resolutions every year, and some have quit trying. Are you ever curious to know the most popular resolutions? Here you go:
- Lose weight.
- Volunteer to help others.
- Quit smoking.
- Get a better education.
- Get a better job.
- Save money.
- Get fit.
- Eat healthy food.
- Manage stress.
- Manage debt.
- Take a trip.
- Reduce, reuse and recycle
Wouldn’t you love it if you didn’t have to make a resolution? What if you just woke up on January 1, looked in the mirror and BAM! You’re thin! You have money! You hear a knock on the door, and it’s your boss offering you a promotion and an all-inclusive, two-week vacation.
Life would be so much easier if the “New Year, New You” philosophy held weight. Some people start with the best intentions, but with unrealistic ambitions. They shoot for the moon. “I’m going to work out, every day, for 10 hours a day.” Such extreme commitments are an invitation to defeat.
However, for many of us, a new year does not yield dramatic changes. The debt you had yesterday, you still have today. The relationship challenges you experienced yesterday are still with you today. The extra pounds you put on from countless Christmas parties remain today.
Many of us delay until January 1 to make life altering changes. Why? Because it’s not pressing.
If you were caught in a burning building on October 12, would you wait until January 1 to try to get out?
So, what makes the new year so enticing, so alluring, so hopeful? What is it about the new year that restores hope and instills feelings of unlimited possibility? We enter the new year with great expectations and great faith. Why? Because we have assigned value to a day. We have attached our hope, expectations and anticipation to a day.
It is estimated that only 8% achieve their new year’s resolution. People quit their resolutions when they become frustrated and disillusioned because while it’s a new year, they’ve attached hope to a day and not a savior. It’s easy to declare a new season, but …
You must also be willing to step into the responsibility that season demands.
Despite our New Year’s resolution track record, a day really can make a difference. It’s not because WE assigned value to the day, but because God showed up that day and gave it value.
Think back and remember the day Jesus showed up in your life, saved you, redeemed you and gave you purpose. You may know the exact date and time that Jesus stepped into your day and changed all the days after.
We get so excited about a new year, but the definition of a year is just a period of 365 days.
What if you looked at every day with the faith, hope and expectation that Jesus was going to show up?
As you read the following story from Acts 9, you’ll come across a man who knows the transformation that can happen in a single day. His name is Saul and his conversion experience on the Road to Damascus is epic in every single way.
Meanwhile, Saul was still breathing out murderous threats against the Lord’s disciples. He went to the high priest and asked him for letters to the synagogues in Damascus, so that if he found anyone there who followed Jesus’ teachings, whether men or women, he might take them as prisoners to Jerusalem. As he neared Damascus on his journey, suddenly a light from heaven flashed around him. He fell to the ground and heard a voice say to him, “Saul, Saul, why do you persecute me?”
“Who are you, Lord?” Saul asked. I am Jesus, whom you are persecuting,” he replied. “Now get up and go into the city, and you will be told what you must do.” The men traveling with Saul stood there speechless; they heard the sound but did not see anyone. Saul got up from the ground, but when he opened his eyes, he could see nothing. So they led him by the hand into Damascus.
For three days he was blind and did not eat or drink anything. In Damascus there was a disciple named Ananias. The Lord called to him in a vision, “Ananias!”
“Yes, Lord,” he answered. The Lord told him, “Go to the house of Judas on Straight Street and ask for a man from Tarsus named Saul, for he is praying” (Acts 9:1-11 NIV).
What should you do when you truly need transformation? Have you ever been so desperate for a new you that you’ll give up anything to be changed by His presence? Maybe the old resolutions just won’t do. Try these instead.
RESOLUTION #1: PRAY
For Saul, this was a new year! It was a life change that happened in a moment. Jesus didn’t wait until a new calendar year to address Saul. The call God had on his life was too important.
What was Saul’s response to this frightening, life-altering encounter? Prayer. Saul gave us a tip, a hint, a guide to what we are supposed to do when things aren’t going our way. We are supposed to pray.
S.D. Gordon states, “Prayer wonderfully clears the vision; steadies the nerves; defines duty; stiffens the purpose; sweetens and strengthens the spirit.”
Prayer has to be your compass through everything that happens in 2023.
Saul may have been physically blind, but in his moment of discomfort, he saw with great spiritual clarity for the first time.
RESOLUTION #2: PROCESS YOUR PAST.
You cannot stay in 2022. There are plenty of people who are more than willing to remind you of your mistakes. Once you step into God’s best, envious condemnation may not be far behind. Just because those around you are focused on the past doesn’t mean you need to stare into it with them.
When Jesus sent Ananias to Saul, Ananias’ focused, at first, on what Saul had done, not what Jesus was calling him to do.
In a vision he has seen a man named Ananias come and place his hands on him to restore his sight.” “Lord,” Ananias answered, “I have heard many reports about this man and all the harm he has done to your holy people in Jerusalem. And he has come here with authority from the chief priests to arrest all who call on your name.” But the Lord said to Ananias, “Go! This man is my chosen instrument to proclaim my name to the Gentiles and their kings and to the people of Israel. I will show him how much he must suffer for my name” (Acts 9:12-16 NIV).
Ananias made the mistake of condemning Saul’s past, but Jesus’ beautiful response said all that was needed.
- Saul is chosen.
- I’m going to use him.
- He has a purpose.
- It will be hard for him.
Listen, there is a 100% chance that you have made mistakes, some of them quite serious. And maybe you have a litany of decisions you wish you could take back. Sometimes you have to be reminded that you are chosen; God will use you and He has a purpose for you. It may not be easy, but He will never leave you or forsake you.
If you had a bad year in 2022, it’s time to leave it behind. Living in 2022 will do nothing for you. His mercies are new for you THIS DAY.
Lamentations 3:19-25 says, “I remember my affliction and my wandering, the bitterness and the gall. I will remember them, and my soul is downcast within me. Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope. Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, ‘the Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for him’” (NIV).
RESOLUTION #3: EMPTY YOURSELF TO GET FILLED UP
Let’s return to Saul and Ananias’ story in Acts 9. “Then Ananias went to the house and entered it. Placing his hands on Saul, he said, ‘Brother Saul, the Lord—Jesus, who appeared to you on the road as you were coming here—has sent me so that you may see again and be filled with the Holy Spirit.’ Immediately, something like scales fell from Saul’s eyes, and he could see again. He got up and was baptized, and after taking some food, he regained his strength” (Acts 9:17 NIV).
When you are burned out, everything feels hopeless. Perhaps you want to start the year with fasting. It’s a way to hear from the Lord, restore unity and receive clarity for what may come. One of the best ways to go into 2023, full of hope and vigor, is to begin by starving your flesh and feeding your spirit.
What you starve dies; what you feed thrives.
Saul did not eat or drink for three days – he fasted and waited for the Lord to show up. Once his prayers were answered, he ate and regained his strength.
Begin this year by pursuing Him. Try something different. Fast.
What is a fast?
- It is Not:
- A diet. This is a challenge, because inevitably during a fast you’ll realize you are getting healthier and losing weight. If you aren’t careful, the fast just becomes a diet, and you never truly experience the supernatural breakthrough.
- A hunger strike or a way to manipulate God into action. God gives good gifts because He wants to give good gifts, not because we deserve them.
- A show. This is not a demonstration of your immense spiritual depth. It’s the exact opposite. It’s a very visceral reliance on His grace and mercy to sustain us and to be everything we need.
- It Is:
- A ritual of abstaining from food and/or drink for a predetermined period, practiced in the Bible primarily as a means of mourning.
- Often coupled with prayer.
- An opportunity to humble yourself, mourn, repent and seek divine deliverance.
- A reliance on God more than food. Jesus modeled this when He went into the desert after being baptized.
- A disturbance.
Fasting creates a disturbance in the physical so God can do something in the supernatural.
Oswald Chambers once wrote, “Be persistent with your disturbance until you get face to face with the Lord Himself.”
We talk about the difference a day makes, but no single day was more impactful for all of humanity than the day Jesus offered himself up to die on the cross for the forgiveness of our sins. “This is the day the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it” (Psalm 118:24 HCSB).
What if your resolution was no longer a new year resolution, but a new day resolution? God doesn’t need a year to bring about restoration — only a day. The year is for living out the transformation that He’s already given you. Go, and be new (2 Corinthians 5:17)!
by Dr. Randy Carlson
Every family needs leadership!
Every family needs a purpose, a vision and a plan.
If you don’t have a vision for your marriage someone else might.
If you don’t have a vision for your kids someone else will.
If you are not leading your family, then who or what is?
Families don’t lead themselves.
You know you’re a leader when you look over your shoulder and others are following you. Leadership is not about how loud you speak but how effectively you live your life.
Leaders champion causes bigger than themselves and, in the process, attract others to that cause. Leaders help others get things done for their own good and for the good of the group.
When leaders speak others listen and learn.
Are you a leader?
Let me bring it home; are you a leader in your family – capable of getting your family to move in the direction it needs to go without giving up or getting out? If your head is nodding in agreement congratulations – you undoubtedly have leadership strengths and abilities.
From experience, however, I suspect that most of my readers are more likely to fall into the mass of people who struggle with getting anyone to listen to them, let alone follow them. The problem of leaderless families is epidemic across our Christian culture.
Please don’t throw in the towel quite yet, if leadership doesn’t come easily or naturally to you. You can become exactly the kind of leader God needs for you to be in your family. He promised never to give us more than we can bear (1 Corinthians 10:13). While the burden of leadership may weigh heavily on your shoulders you can make it happen.
If leadership were on the optional list for living, I’d likely suggest that non-leaders save themselves a lot of pain and simply hide out in the shadow of someone who is a natural leader. Isn’t that what most of us did through our high-school years and well into adulthood? There were only a few shining stars of leadership during those years – members of the “leadership club” – serving on the student council – captain of the team or the teacher’s assistant.
For every natural born leader there are 100 natural born followers. The world can get along with one in 100 people being leaders; your family can’t. Each family needs at least one godly leader in order to make it in this tough world.
I once heard someone say, “The world is tough, so you better be tough on yourself.” You may be tough on yourself when it comes to developing the kind of leadership skills your family needs from you.
You cannot excuse yourself from leadership duty simply because leadership isn’t your spiritual gift. By laying back and letting your spouse, children, school or church make all the decisions and set the tone for your life and family you are abdicating your spiritual responsibilities.
Leadership is a necessity
for strong families and healthy marriages.
George Barna in his book, Leaders on Leadership, provided a comprehensive list of competencies of a Christian leader. Below I’ve adapted his list a bit in order to make it apply to leadership in the family setting. How would you rate yourself against this list?
15 things family leaders DO –
- Effectively communicate with each member of the family.
- Identify, articulate and cast a vision for their families.
- Motivate their family toward good.
- Coach and help to develop the gifts of those in their family.
- Initiate strategic actions in their family.
- Resolve conflicts quickly.
- Manage resources (time, money, skills, etc.) well.
- Hold themselves and others accountable.
- Reinforce commitment to each other and to the family.
- Are team builders.
- Monitor how things are going in the family with lots of encouragement and instruction.
- Create the kind of culture God wants for their family.
- Maintain focus and priorities in their own lives and for the family.
- Relate everything back to God’s plan and principles.
- Model spiritual disciplines.
It’s a Mandate – Not a Call
If you are married, have children or are responsible for the wellbeing of others, you are already on the list of leaders. You may not enjoy it or even want it, but leadership is now your responsibility. We do God and families an injustice by discounting the importance of leadership in the family. Writing yourself off as a non-leader won’t cut it when your family is facing a crisis, demanding direction and action.
Some believe that leadership is a calling or gift, but in your family it’s neither optional nor can you ignore the need.
Leadership isn’t someone else’s responsibility; it’s yours.
But I’m Not Good at It:
Don’t compare your leadership qualities with anyone else’s.
A word to wives –
When you compare your husband’s leadership skills, interest or abilities against any other man you are undermining your husband. He may have dropped the leadership ball and may even be unwilling to discuss your needs but comparing him with other men will only widen the gap between where he is as a leader and where you’d like for him to be.
Leadership is something
you can learn to do for your family.
The principles are clear, and results will be encouraging. You become a leader through commitment to the process of becoming a leader. It is a process after all, not an event. Your attitudes, beliefs and actions are key to successful leadership for your family. Even if you have been guilty of abdicating your responsibility as a leader, you can start over today by doing two very straightforward things in the next seven days.
- Spend 30 minutes praying, thinking and writing about what you would like God to do for you and your family. And at the end of those seven days – review your notes and create a list of the top 10 things you believe will make the most positive impact on your family for the next year. As you create your list be careful to consider each of the important areas of your life – spiritual, financial, relational, physical, intellectual, etc.
- After you have your list in hand set-up a time with your spouse to discuss what God has been doing your life over the previous seven days. This is not a grip session about how you want your spouse to change, but a time for you share what God has been telling your about yourself, your marriage and your family. Don’t get discouraged if your spouse responds with less than enthusiastic support. They may even attempt to resist, criticize, or even ignore you. One of the basics of family leadership is to stay focused on the goal – in this case your goal is to open communications with your spouse concerning your desires for the family.
But My Husband Won’t Lead
Leadership isn’t just men’s work. Husbands and fathers have been given clear commands by God to lead (verses). However, scripture clearly has a high view of women who took leadership seriously (Proverbs 31, Esther, Ruth, etc.). God has a perfect design for how men and women are to relate and live in marriage. Men are to lead like Christ lead the Church and Women are to submit out of reverence to Christ. When men lead like Christ it’s not hard for most Christian women to submit as Christ designed.
Submission doesn’t mean mindless obedience or subservient loyalty. As men and women submit to Christ (verse) and to each other (Eph 5:21) the leadership blend between men and women in marriage becomes clear, to me at least.
I’ve talked with enough Christian women married to non-leaders over my years of ministry to know how vulnerable to discouragement they really are. If this is your situation, I caution you against making the mistake many Christian women make – they beat at air from frustration thinking that somehow this will get their spouse to take leadership.
A better use of energy would be to:
- Pray for your husband.
- Discuss your needs with your husband using the process outlined earlier.
- Start quietly and systematically to pick up those areas of leadership in the family, which demand attention.
What is Leadership?
Leadership expert John Maxwell in his book The 21 Irrefutable Laws of Leadership says, “The true measure of leadership is influence – nothing more, nothing less.” If you can influence others, they are allowing you to lead. In one of my most requested speaking topics on parenting I discuss the difference between rules and relationships.
I’ve often quoted Josh McDowell’s statement:
“Rules without relationship create rebellion.”
Leadership based upon rules over relationship will create in the follower either obedience without integrity, or rebellion without apology. Followers under the thumbs of rule-based leaders will either fall in line out of fear or they may openly rebel without really knowing why. Either way the leader and the follower lose.
I agree with Maxwell that true leadership is nothing more or less than influence.
What Does a Family Leader Do?
How does a leader influence others? Just think for a moment of those you respect and would be willing to follow. What is it about them that most impresses you? Typically, when I ask this question I hear things about integrity, listening skills, caring about others, and having a clear vision for the future. Influence comes down to people skills.
Great leaders know how to communicate a vision so clearly
and with such conviction that others are naturally drawn to it.
Kenneth O. Gangel wrote a chapter in the book, Leaders on Leadership, titled, “What Leaders Do.” In it he shared several important points concerning what successful leaders do right.
- Leaders Relate. More than managing the family, a leader knows how to lead a family. As you get behind the eyes of each member of your family you start the process of relating with those who need you the most.
- Leaders Organize. Organization may not be your gift, but it’s important in leadership. As you organize your own life and the life of your family around priorities and values you will discover good things happening in the family.
- Leaders Achieve. Help each member of your family experience a win. Cheer leading, encouraging, and instructing is a part of leadership. Help others establish goals and then help them succeed.
- Leaders Think. Planning ahead, getting good counsel and being decisive are each important aspects of leadership in the family.
- Leaders Envision. This is the vision part of leadership. Looking toward the future and making plans together with the family can be exciting and motivating to each member of the family.
- Leaders Endure. It’s not how a leader starts, but how they finish that will make all the difference to your family.
Through the process of leadership, you can influence the lives of each member of your family for good.
I once heard someone say, “Life is tough, so be tough on yourself.” If you’ve struggled in the area of leadership for your family, it may start with being tough with yourself. Until you can lead yourself it will be impossible for you to lead others, including your family.
Leadership is an exciting adventure for those who are willing to take the steps necessary to make it happen. You can become the leader your family needs.
Dr. Randy Carlson
- Resiliency in action refuses to be shaped by what’s going on in the world, but instead allows what’s in you to shape how you respond to your circumstances.
We want resiliency in our lives. It’s also something we want for our kids and grandkids. We want them to grow up in this difficult time and have spiritual resiliency at the core of their being. We want them to having confidence that God will hold them together when things get tough. When things get difficult, they can come back to the core values and God-given beliefs in their life.
Resiliency is the combination of:
- supportive relationships,
- positive experiences, and
- adaptive skill building*
We believe that your Family Life Radio stations and Intentional Living have been put on the earth for this time and season of your life to stand in the gap between the good times and the challenges in your life. We want to be there to encourage, equip and inspire others to grow in Christ.
So many of you have called over the years, to share in support of the ministry, and we share so many stories of you telling us how God used Family Life Radio and Intentional Living when you were going through a difficult season. “You were there with me during the …”
- “loss of my son ….”
- “death of my husband ….”
- “loss of that job ….”
- “difficult diagnosis.”
That’s why we exist.
Our mission and statement of faith corresponds with those three things. At the core of our mission, we are to affirm faith, offer hope and help to equip people to live an intentional life in Christ.
- Supportive relationships are necessary to affirm faith.
Every day, through our messages and content, we strive to affirm that your relationship with God matters. God says I will never leave you. I will never forsake you (Joshua 1:5; Hebrews 13:5). Perhaps you have been abandoned in life or rejected by people. People may have let you down for lots of reasons. We live in an imperfect world with imperfect people.
Your relationship with God is eternal. Truly knowing that He would never leave you, matters. It will make a difference in your life. Even if you find it difficult because maybe you didn’t experience that kind of love growing up, choose to recognize that God loves you; He cares for you.
When we affirm each other’s faith, it’s a powerful thing.
- Build resilience in the life of your family by reminding them God loves them.
- Affirm their faith by sharing scriptures that demonstrate God’s intentional love for them.
2. Find ways to offer hope by sharing positive experiences.
We offer hope as we share stories in all we do. You hear positive experiences of people in their relationship with Christ. And we learn and grow together as other people share about something they’ve gone through, and it encourages someone traveling a similar road.
- If you get a diagnosis of cancer, you want to hear from people who’ve been through that because they bring you hope.
- If you’ve gone through a divorce, you want to talk to people who’ve been there and have seen God’s provision.
We have a great cloud of witnesses around us (Hebrews 12:1).
I imagine saints of old that we read about in Scripture, peering over the edge of heaven witnessing our lives, cheering, encouraging and offering us hope to keep going. I encourage you not only to continue to hear the stories of Christians and experience the stories from Scripture of changed lives, but you can share your story to build resiliency in the lives of others.
The stories from your own life of how God has provided for you, strengthened you and been with you are important positive experiences that give the gift of hope.
3. Adaptive skill building equips people to live an intentional life in Christ.
According to the Harvard research study on how to build resiliency in our kids supports the benefit of helping them to learn adaptive skills. It’s vitally important to know how to adapt to life. That’s really what our mission is at Intentional Living – to figure out what pleases Christ and do it.
Jesus asked the Father to send the Holy Spirit to lead and guide us. Allowing Him to be at work every day in your life is vital to building spiritual resiliency. As you continue to grow and change, that relationship is foundational to victory. It is what allows you to stay steady and firm in what matters most.
Together, we are helping people develop spiritual resiliency for their life by affirming faith, offering hope and equipping people to live an intentional life in Christ. It’s a passion of my heart, and the heart of our mission to see people come to Christ and then live a victorious life in Him by living intentionally every day.
*National Scientific Council on the Developing Child. (2015). Supportive Relationships and Active Skill-Building Strengthen the Foundations of Resilience: Working Paper 13. http://www.developingchild.harvard.edu).
The gift of experience with the true Joy of Christmas
Some people live in tropical climates and have never made a snowball, felt the chill of snow stuffed down the back of a jacket by a mischievous friend or experienced the beautiful brilliance of a season’s first snow as it covers the trees and ground in glistening white. Some have never gone sledding, rode in a sleigh, caught a snowflake on their tongue or made a snow angel.
Although they have never experienced snow, it doesn’t keep them from believing they know what snow is like. When people experience snow for the very first time, they want to do everything they’ve seen in the movies: make snow angels, have a snowball fight, build a snowman and ride a sled. They don’t know about frozen fingers and toes, runny noses and the pain of a subzero windchill. They certainly don’t know about the backbreaking work of shoveling snow or the tension of driving in it.
Snow is beautiful when it first falls, but it changes from white to brown very quickly. As it is plowed out of the way, it picks up dirt and debris in the process.
As a Christian, do you ever feel like you’ve tried to convince someone of something you never truly experienced? This happens a lot for people who have grown up in church, but never allowed God to lead them to grow their faith. When Jesus promised the Holy Spirit would come, what if His disciples smiled and nodded, pretending to know what He was talking about?
“If you love me, keep my commands. And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another advocate to help you and be with you forever— the Spirit of truth. The world cannot accept him, because it neither sees him nor knows him. But you know him, for he lives with you and will be in you” (John 14:15-17 NIV).
The world can’t see Him? It can’t know Him? They won’t accept Him? Then how could you introduce Him to the world? You can’t, unless you first know Him.
Trying to explain a relationship with Holy Spirit is a lot like trying to explain snow to someone who has never seen or touched it. We understand cold; we understand white, but unless you experience the snowfall, you will never truly grasp the encounter.
We can explain truth. We can explain peace; we can explain help, but unless we truly experience these in relationship with Holy Spirit, they’ll be nothing more empty words on a page with no power behind them to prepare people for a transformed life.
- The Holy Spirit helps us in our weakness (Romans 8:26).
- He confirms the Scriptures (John 14:26).
- He brings love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness and self-control (Galatians 5:22-23).
- He instructs with wisdom, understanding, counsel and knowledge (Isaiah 11:2).
- Where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom (2 Corinthians 3:17).
Don’t just say these things,
live these things.
Have daily encounters with the Holy Spirit so you can speak of Him with intimacy, not confusion. When you do, you’ll be able to not just communicate life change but impart life change through what Christ has done in you. What will people experience when they encounter a fully devoted follower of Jesus? Joy. Sounds like a Christmas movie or better yet, the Christmas Story.
Can you imagine the overwhelming stress Mary and Joseph must have felt when they were told they were going to parent the Messiah? Something had to happen in them to also experience overwhelming joy. Such joy can only happen when you have confidence in God.
One of the first things you’ll experience as you unwrap the gift of experience is Joy. Joy came to the world in the form of a baby named Jesus. He grew up to be a miracle-working Savior who died, rose and is coming soon. He is ready for your tangled mess. The Heavenly Father wants healthy children and healthy churches. How are we supposed to be joy to the world when we have none ourselves?
Amazingly, “Joy to the World” was not written to be a Christmas song, but to celebrate the second coming of Christ. Isaac Watts, a Methodist Minister, wrote the song as a lyrical adaptation of Psalm 98. The song was first published in The Psalms of David: Imitated in the language of the New Testament in 1719 (that’s a catchy title). The music was composed by Lowell Mason in 1839. It is believed that Mason may have “borrowed” notes from Handel’s, The Messiah to compose “Joy to the World.”
If you missed the first blog in this special Christmas series,
you can find it here – Nicely Wrapped – Is your heart an attractive gift to God?
Joy may not mean to intentionally spread joy, but when you are in God’s presence, you will spread it nonetheless.
Joy is infectious.
As we grow older something happens to our joy box. You may not have known that you have a joy box. But deep inside each one of us is a place that experiences, produces and stores up this often-elusory emotion. Joy is, at times, offered openly from our joy box. Sometimes it needs to be wrestled free. And then there are times that it is locked so tight we wonder if joy is even in there.
There is a catch when it comes to a full, joy box. It is only filled when it is attached to joyful things. Ah – but what is a joyful thing?
As we live, we quickly discover that joy is imitated more frequently than any other thing. It is common for something that is unquestionably destructive to put on a pretty mask and sell itself as joy. It is not a rare thing to see the most debased and dysfunctional of actions laundered through joyful disguises, fooling a lot of humanity. Joy is tricky that way. We desire the real thing, but we settle for the fraudulent. We can wrap our joy box with elegant paper and opulent ribbons and proclaim that the joy inside is just as beautiful, however, lifting the lid reveals a pseudo joy, disguised yet again.
As children our joy is untethered. It is not reliant on a paycheck, a large house or a luxury car. Our joy box is pure, right and undefiled. As we get older, we attach our joy to temporary things and find our joy does not last. We connect our joy to people and circumstances and objects, and the obsessions slowly empty our joy box, leaving only a pretty wrapper.
As a child we did not know about properly tethered joy boxes. We were born with a joy box that is free and beautiful and produces large amounts of joy. The more we tether our joy box to temporarily joyful things, the less joy our joy box produces.
God intended for your joy box to be full.
Upon creation God consistently declared that all created things were good (Genesis 1:31). Somewhere along the line, humanity began to harness its joy to successes, but success is a false joy. With success comes jealousy, after all, none of us are successful permanently. We affix ourselves to people, but people do not last forever. With their passing comes an emptier joy box.
We try to secure our joy to finances, but finances are fleeting and the control of finances a misguided illusion. We never know what evil things may come to steal them away leaving us, yet again, with empty joy boxes. Millionaires who lost their fortune during the stock market crash of 1929 were seen leaping from buildings to their death. They opened their joy box and realized it was desolate. With an empty joy box comes the evaporation of hope.
The Apostle Paul gives us some direction on how to maintain a full joy box. He says, “May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope” (Romans 15:13 ESV). Paul seemed to have mastered this concept. He also offered, “I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want” (Philippians 4:12 NIV).
Paul discovered that his joy box could only be filled by his relationship with hope through the power of the Holy Spirit. The God of hope desires to fill our joy boxes to the brim.
When we allow our joy box to be untethered from temporary things, we find that our joy box remains curiously full.
And with a full joy box comes great hope.
Hunger cannot empty a joy box. Neither can shelter or a dwindling bank account. There is a joy that God desires us to relive every single day – a hope that can only be found in Christ Jesus. It’s an eternal hope and it stuffs our joy box with so much joy that we even find ourselves rejoicing in trials – counting them all as joy (James 1:2).
As Jesus walked the earth he said, “These things I have spoken so that my joy may be in you, and that your joy may be full” (John 15:11 NASB).
As you journey toward Jesus this Christmas season, may you experience joy unspeakable and full of glory.
If you missed the first blog in this special Christmas series, you can find it here – Nicely Wrapped – Is your heart an attractive gift to God?
Is your heart an attractive gift to God?
People spend a lot of time wrapping gifts. We want them to look perfect. We meticulously measure the amount of wrapping paper needed, cut slowly and painstakingly tape each package so that it is just right. We want the outside to look amazing, no matter what is inside the package.
Nothing about Jesus looked like royalty, at least not judging by the way He was wrapped. From the surface, He looked like the product of a dysfunctional relationship who poorly planned their pregnancy and delivery. After all, who gives birth in a manger?
“Joseph also went up from the town of Nazareth in Galilee to Judea, to Bethlehem the town of David, because he belonged to the house and line of David. He went there to register with Mary, who was pledged to be married to him and was expecting a child. While they were there, the time came for the baby to be born, and she gave birth to her firstborn, a son. She wrapped him in cloths and placed him in a manger, because there was no guest room available for them” (Luke 2:4-7 NIV).
Have you ever given your friend the nicest gift, but sloppily wrapped it with mismatched paper and duct tape and observed their reaction?
In theory, we know the size, shape and elegant wrapping of a gift do not determine the worth of what’s found within. A priceless diamond does not lose its value just because it is placed in a brown paper bag, but we spend a lot of time and money on the outside anyway.
Nothing says “wasted time” like a big pile of shredded wrapping paper on the floor after a rigorous Christmas morning. All that precious time spent making the gift look beautiful amounted to nothing more than filler for the recycling bin to most recipients.
We can approach our lives in a similar way, fashioning a beautiful, flawless, glistening exterior for all to see while paying little attention to what’s inside. We present ourselves as a pleasing package, but pleasing to who?
When the prophet, Samuel visited Jesse the Bethlehemite in search for Israel’s first king, he found himself looking at how the gift was wrapped. He saw Eliab, who appeared tall, strong and confident. What a beautifully wrapped gift, Samuel may have thought, yet in an instant, God dispelled such a silly idea that the outside would have any bearing whatsoever on what was found inside.
God’s focus is on the heart.
“But the Lord said to Samuel, ‘Do not look on his appearance or on the height of his stature, because I have rejected him. For the Lord sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart’” (1 Samuel 16:7 ESV).
This Scripture will invoke emotion in you. You will feel either affirmed, judgmental or insecure.
- You will feel affirmed if you know you have more potential inside of you than others have noticed. You will feel like David, just waiting to be discovered. While attractive on the outside, you spend even more time on your inside, on the content of your character.
- You can feel judgmental if you compare yourself to Samuel. “How could God’s prophet pick so poorly? What a terrible leader.” We judge Samuel for looking at the outside, but we do it all the time. When we play the comparison game, we feel either superior or inferior. For instance, we tend to put on a few extra pounds over the holiday season. If you compare yourself to someone thinner than you, it may cause you to feel inferior. If you compare yourself to someone heavier than you, it may cause you to feel superior.
- You may feel insecure if you don’t love who you are, or you regret things you’ve done. You may not want people to look past your external appearance because you are not confident that they’ll like what they see on the inside. You may even spend extra time or money on expensive clothes and cultivate a perfect appearance to mask the inadequacies you feel within.
We tend to focus on the external. We use what we see to confirm biases and evaluate our own self-worth. From Samuel’s perspective, God’s anointed should look, walk and talk a certain way.
From our perspective, people should behave in a certain way, worship a certain way and pray a certain way. We give little latitude to their upbringing or where they are on their spiritual journey. We look; we judge and we then seek out information to confirm our opinions.
Examine the contents.
Life can be hectic, especially during the holidays, so take some time, get in His presence and ask the Holy Spirit to examine the contents of your spiritual package. Have you spent more time on what others see than you have on what God sees? Is your heart attractive to Him? Are you living a life worthy of His presence?
Here are a few questions you can ask yourself during this holiday season to evaluate the contents of your life, the present you give to Jesus.
- If I saw someone imitate my life, would I assume they had a relationship with Jesus?
- Am I hiding my weaknesses by focusing on my external appearance instead of asking Jesus to search my heart and make the unclean things clean?
- Do I believe Jesus really loves me despite what I’ve done?
Only you and Jesus know what’s underneath the wrapping paper.
Jesus had some strong words for the religious leaders of His day who focused excessively on the outside appearance.
“Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you are like whitewashed tombs, which outwardly appear beautiful, but within are full of dead people’s bones and all uncleanness. So you also outwardly appear righteous to others, but within you are full of hypocrisy and lawlessness” (Matthew 23:27-28 NIV).
Nicely wrapped, beautiful, but disappointing, full of dead people’s bones.
Let your prayer this year, as you journey toward Jesus, be to search for the authentic. Look for what’s inside, not outside. Even if you were born in a stable, you can change the world.
Read the next blog in this special Christmas series, A Journey to Christmas – an invitation to experience your own Christmas story.