Lauren’s Story

The Weight of Longing and the Gift of Answered Prayers

Lauren Kidd

How could the grief of an empty womb weigh this much? I jotted down those words in my journal on August 14, 2022.

I was tired of riding the rollercoaster of hoping, waiting, and being disappointed month after month after month.

And as genuinely excited as I was for others to hear pregnancy announcement after announcement and to see bump after bump, I wondered if I would ever get a turn.

I felt weary.

I felt sad.

And even though I knew infertility struggles aren’t uncommon and I was shown thoughtfulness from loved ones, I felt alone.

While I wish I could say that my faith made the journey easier, at times misapplications of my faith seemed to only make it more difficult. In a Christian subculture where we are often warned about “idols of the heart,” I think we sometimes jump too quickly to label something an idol.

In desiring children, I often wondered if having kids was my idol. And in my skewed perception of God, I was tempted to believe that was why He was keeping them from me. But deeply longing for something does not make it an idol. Nor does fully grieving its absence.

We were created to desire and enjoy good gifts, all of which come from our Creator.

Rather than constantly trying to dissect my emotions to detect potential idols, I’ve found that, in humility before the Lord, asking these simple questions can be helpful:

  • Am I willing to break God’s law in order to attain (or keep) this?
  • Will I still worship Him if I don’t receive (or if I lose) this?

Lauren Kidd

The antidote to idolatry is not to suppress our longings. The antidote is to worship the One who has created us with deep longings and to trust that He knows how and when to best meet them.

Whether we are longing for a significant other, a child, a career, or something else, we are free to bring those hopes and desires — along with all the emotions that accompany them — to a Father who loves us and knows how to give good gifts (Mathew 7:11).

I’m astonished at how good of a gift giver He is. I found out I was pregnant in the fall, not long after writing my journal entry. We welcomed our daughter, whose name means “my God has answered,” this past summer.

But I know full well that not everyone gets what seems to be a happy ending. Not all our longings are fully met this side of Heaven. So for those who are in a place of longing or grieving, may you sense the Lord’s nearness, comfort, and tender compassion. May His strength sustain you when deferred hopes make your heart feel sick. Because grief can weigh a lot, and we aren’t meant to carry it alone.


Lauren Kidd is honored to tell stories of God’s work among the nations as an editor at Seed Company, a Bible translation organization. Lauren and her husband, Clint, are overjoyed to be parents to their beautiful daughter.