Running from the Pain
Finding freedom in the arms of my Savior
Ben Fuller
Pain will make you run. For me, it started as a slow escape. First, from my dad’s approval that never came. Then, from the silence of a life that felt empty.
At first, I told myself I was just having fun. But the truth? I didn’t want to feel anything.
I was 18 years old when I was first introduced to cocaine. It was at a party, just another night out with friends. Someone handed it to me and said: “This will help. It’ll loosen you up. You won’t feel a thing.”
And that’s exactly what I wanted—to stop feeling. So, I tried it. That one night turned into 14 and a half years of chasing the numbness. Drinking. Drugs. One-night stands. Anything that could keep me from facing the brokenness inside of me.
Running From the Pain
At first, I thought I had control over it. I could get high on the weekends, sober up Sunday night, and go back to work Monday morning. I had taken a job as a stonemason—a tough, back-breaking job—because farming didn’t pay the bills.
I thought if I worked hard enough, if I just kept moving, I could drown out the noise inside of me. But the problem with pain is, it doesn’t go away—it just waits for you. And no matter how much I drank, no matter how much I used, the emptiness never left.
I was what they call a “functioning addict.” I got up every morning. I went to work. I paid my bills. But the moment I got home? I drank myself to sleep. Then I’d wake up and do it all over again.
It worked for a while. Until it didn’t.
“There’s Got to Be More Than This”
Every night, I tried to fill the void inside of me. Sometimes, it felt like I was close—like maybe this time, this high, this drink, this moment would be enough. But I’d wake up the next morning and realize…it never was.
And so, the questions kept haunting me: “What else is there? There’s got to be more than this.”
Maybe you’ve told yourself what I told myself:
- “I can stop whenever I want.”
- “It’s not that bad.”
- “I’ve got it under control.”
Addiction is a liar.
It will tell you that you’re in charge—right up until the moment it owns you. And the worst part? It will never give you what it promises.
The Truth About Numbing Pain
The world offers a thousand ways to numb the pain—substances, relationships, distractions. But the problem is, numbness isn’t healing.
Jesus didn’t come to make you feel less—He came to make you whole. “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest” (Matthew 11:28 NIV). Rest doesn’t come from another high. It doesn’t come from another drink.Rest comes from Jesus.
If you’re in this place right now—if you’re tired of running, tired of numbing, tired of waking up empty—I want you to know, you’re not too far gone.
I believed the lie for years that I was stuck. That I had gone too far. That this was just who I was. But the truth?
Jesus was waiting for me the whole time.
And He’s waiting for you, too. So ask yourself today:
- What am I running from?
- What am I using to numb the pain?
- What would it look like to stop running and turn to Jesus instead?
You don’t have to do this alone. And you don’t have to be perfect to come to Him. Just take one step. He’s already reaching for you.
No matter who you are or what you have done, God will receive you into His family… if you invite Him. Jesus Christ offers you hope, peace and joy forever. Trust Him right now as millions of people have done and experience True Hope for yourself. Here’s how…