Tag: BMI

Even in tragedy, one family feels God’s peace

“I grew up in church, practically born on a pew,” Chad Smeaton said. Someone was always playing Family Life Radio on the in the radio, in the car. And we always had it on with our children.”

Summer says her story is the same. She also grew up in church. “My mom always had Family Life Radio on. I have listened to Dr. Randy Carlson and Intentional Living for twenty plus years now.”

Chad and Summer made the decision to move their family of seven from Michigan to Tucson at the end of October 2021. Chad said, “It was a big decision for our family, but we felt like the Lord was leading us, and He opened up some great opportunities for us.”

Summer’s parents relocated to Tucson from North Carolina first. Chad and Summer agreed the move would allow the kids – Cadence 17, Shiloh 15, Zion 13, Haven 12 and Brad, six months – to be near their maternal grandparents and her side of the family more.

“Moving our family, mid-school year – it was stressful … the kids already had their friends – established connections. It was a lot of change in a short amount of time,” Summer recalls.

They decided to homeschool the kids and tried to get them connected in their new community by joining their local church. “It’s definitely been a bit of a transition,” Chad continued, “especially for the kids, who have had to make new friends, but we’re trying to focus on being intentional and responsive in our interactions and relationships.”

Chad and Summer agree the parenting discussions on Intentional Living have been so extremely valuable. One of their biggest takeaways – is choosing to respond rather than react, and they find the worship important too.

Candid Truths

At times they wondered if they’d made the right decision as they hit walls and fought an uphill battle. The Smeatons continued to stress about their children making friends. Chad and Summer knew for teenagers, that’s not an easy thing.

But in the midst of the struggle, Summer said, “because of God’s grace and the goodness of His love, confirmation after confirmation would pop up and reaffirm our decision.”

Depression is a part of Summer’s story. She admits she’s been very open and candid with her children about her journey. She said, “I feel depressed, and sometimes have suicidal thoughts. So, I know it’s important to plug them into to the right counselors and get them the right help.”

Summer said, “Shiloh was hesitant and kind of fearful about meeting new people, but also excited because he knew his father and I weren’t going to make a rash move and just disconnect everyone from their friends and their schools.”

“Before the move,” Summer continued, “Shiloh went through a physical transformation. He used to be kind of a husky kid. Unfortunately, he was bullied for it. It opened a door for insecurities and just lack of self-confidence.”

Summer acknowledged, “It’s stressful. You’re fifteen years old, and ask, ‘Am I going to be accepted? Am I going to have friends? And Am I going to be bullied here?’” She knows the enemy used those negative thoughts to distract Shiloh from the truth and the enemy used that to whittle away at the confidence that he had gained after losing weight.

Chad took the initiative to check in with Shiloh. He asked “How are you? Where are you at?” Together the Smeatons parented proactively and checking in and asking, “What’s your mental space?” To which they say Shiloh would typically always say he was okay.

Summer Smeaton says Wednesday, January 12, 2022, initially played out like any other ordinary day. Shiloh wasn’t feeling well so she let him sleep in a bit before getting up to work on some homeschool assignments.

“He seemed fine; he seemed okay,” Summer recalls. He got something to eat, logged on to his computer and realized he was missing some English assignments. Summer said, “I was getting onto him about what he needed to turn in … reminded him he had soccer practice.” The plan was to get ready and take Shiloh to soccer practice.

Breathtaking Heartbreak

Shiloh took his soccer bag and went into the bathroom, and Summer said, “I’m thinking he’s getting ready for soccer practice.” But, he wasn’t getting ready for soccer practice.

Summer stepped outside for a minute. And when she came back in, her daughter Cadence was coming down the hall, crying so hard she couldn’t catch her breath. Summer said, “She couldn’t communicate anything.”

And finally Cadence said, “I think Shiloh hurt himself.”

 

Summer ran to the bathroom door, and called his name, but there was no answer. She busted the door open and found Shiloh in the bathtub. She saw a note on the ground with the gun.

“All that I could think of was to speak life over him and pray because growing up in church in having faith – that’s what I knew.”

Even as Summer made the 911 call, she says a sense of peace came over her. She believes it was the Spirit of God intervening and bringing some sense of calm to her so she could communicate to the emergency response team. Her children were all doing school. It was traumatic for everyone as she was on the phone with 911, calling Chad to let him know, continuing to pray over Shiloh and putting pressure on his wound.

In that moment, Summer continued to believe death would not take him.

At the hospital, Summer was told right away not to expect life and to prepare for that.

“But knowing the God we serve and knowing that miracles are still for the living, I believe it was my heart as mom fighting and warring for my son.” Summer did not accept the doctor’s report but continued to speak life and believe for a miracle until the very end.

“I know the miracles are not just in the Bible, but I heard them all throughout my life. And so, why not believe that for us? Why not believe that for my son?”

Summer still knows God as the God of Miracles, even though it didn’t happen for Shiloh. “He is faithful, and I don’t understand,” Summer said. “I’m not going to pretend that I have healed. But sharing Shiloh’s story is a part of our healing. I’m not whole,” Summer said. “I still feel very broken and shattered. I have days that are harder than others. I have days I don’t feel like I’m going to make it, but God is giving me strength.”

God is giving the Smeaton family strength. They see glimpses of God’s mercy and His faithfulness even in this. It is their hope that God can put purpose to their pain through what they share.

They hold fast to Psalm 34:18, “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit” (NIV).

Summer says it feels very much like a wilderness season. “I don’t feel [God] right now. I know He’s there. I know God is faithful. I know He’s not left us. He’s not forsaken us. I know that because I walked it before. And every time in retrospect … I didn’t experience His presence, but now I see Him in these little areas.”

“We lost our son; our lives will never be the same. We are forever changed, but even in tragedy, we feel God’s peace. Even in this, we feel His love.”

The Smeatons have experienced support and love from a body of believers in the community. People that they don’t even know offer support and encouragement. And they want to offer God’s comfort and peace to others through their own tragedy.

If you or if you know someone struggling with suicidal thoughts, there are resources available for you and your friend. Often, Christian pastors and counselors are excellent sources to call. Attempting to tackle suicidal thoughts on your own as the victim or helper can be challenging, if not unproductive. There are qualified people who can help you. Contact the National Suicide Prevention Hotline by calling or texting the numbers 988 at any time, day or night 24/7, to visit with someone who understands.

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Sarah Nichols

Keeping Your Soul Healthy

My eight-year-old daughter came into the kitchen excited to tell me she had lost three pounds the other morning.

I cringe even writing that.

I’ve purposely made it a point to not weigh myself in front of her and to not talk about weight gain or loss in front of her.

I have fought hard to display a healthy body image of myself, knowing she is watching. But the truth is these efforts don’t matter because we live in a world where girls and women are constantly reminded of what is considered beautiful, what kind of bodies are desired and wanted.

We live in a world where a well-meaning doctor, at last week’s well-child check, tries to discreetly tell you your daughter’s BMI is slightly elevated, mentions COVID has played a part and she understands but encourages you to serve more veggies.

Except … she wasn’t as discreet as she thought and your daughter bursts into tears the moment you step out of the office doors, clinging to you as her tears and face press into your own “soft” belly.

Unfortunately, I know this world myself.

• It started in my teen years. I was aware of peers who were naturally thinner than me.
• As a young adult, excited about my upcoming wedding and wanting to feel beautiful in my gown, I started to count calories. I felt proud as the scale dropped along with the calories I consumed.
• As a pregnant woman, I watched my body grow and change, loving every minute of it. Looking back, I wonder if it was because the world approved my body change, pregnant women gained weight.
• As a nursing mom, I carried several extra pounds, while other nursing moms seemed to bounce back to their pre-pregnancy weight.
• As a military spouse solo parenting during a 6-month deployment, I would push two toddlers in a double jogger after dropping our oldest off at school. I couldn’t control the loneliness I felt walking our halls night after night, tucking in three kids by myself, but I could control the push to be thinner. Overextending myself on the trail and under extending grace to myself, eating less than the recommended daily calorie intake, all for the sake of a great “homecoming.”

When I became an accidental runner (a story for another time) I watched my body shrink the more miles I logged. So, I embraced my all or nothing mentality, running more and eating less. I met new goals, ran a half marathon and still compared myself to thinner versions of myself.

Would it ever be enough?

Do you sometimes struggle with your parenting decisions? Check out “Stop Worrying about Parental Errors” with Rebecca St. James.

A few years ago after a major career change for my husband and a life change for our family, I began to feel as if I was drowning. I decided to do some good work. Except it wasn’t on a trail, with Weight Watchers, or in my fitness app, instead it was in a counselor’s office.

And 40 pounds later I feel more emotionally healthy than I’ve ever been.

Ironically, this acceptance of myself has been off-putting to others. Even those close to me, their words cutting deep. I’ve shed tears. I’ve even tried to shed some weight, but all the efforts I made previously just aren’t cutting it and the same all or nothing motivation isn’t there.

I spent a better portion of my childhood feeling like I didn’t measure up. I had shattered self-esteem.

The first decade of marriage and motherhood felt like a blur, and I kept walking into each new season the best I knew how to. I stepped –

• Into a vow with someone as broken as me, hopeful for the promise of redemption.
• Into motherhood with a child who came 71 days early.
• Into military service, though I wasn’t the one wearing the uniform.
• Into each new season, striving to be a better mom, a better wife.

… until I stopped trying to be better. I wanted to just be.

I did deep work, spending hours on a worn couch, working through the junk I had been holding. I may not have been training for a marathon, but it was hard work. Yet, I’m still reminded of a fallen world that places more value on outward appearance than what is inside the heart.

A verse I spent a lot of time meditating on a few years ago was Deuteronomy 6:5. “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might” (ESV).

If we aren’t emotionally healthy, how can we love with all our souls? Of course, we should steward the bodies God has given us well. But how many of us are trying to move our bodies, and somewhat watch what we eat, and still carry extra weight?

How many of us:

• Have overworked our bodies and under consumed calories?
• Have genetic tendencies we are fighting?
• Take medicine that causes us to gain weight?
• Are reminded daily of our flawed bodies?

My daughter eats the same thing I feed her older brothers and is practically more active than they are, and still, she has to carry this memory and the way it made her feel for years to come.

• How many of our daughters will carry negative memories concerning their bodies into adulthood?
• Are we putting forth the same effort we make on our physical health into our mental and emotional health?
• Do those around us understand the impact of their words?

Maybe they do, maybe they don’t, but what may be truer is that they could be walking through their own emotional junk, whether they realize it or not.

So when my daughter came into the kitchen smiling and pulled me down to whisper her words of achievement in my ear, my heart dropped along with my head, wondering what to say.

I wanted to affirm her excitement but not in a way that made her think she needed to lose weight. I wanted to tell her all scales are different, and it didn’t matter. I wanted to tell her it’s what is on the inside that counts. I wanted to tell her God made her just the way she is.

Instead, I pulled her close, hugged her and whispered, “I love you” in her ear.

The way I wish those who have hurt me with their words would have done when the topic of “weight gain” came up. The way I know my Father in Heaven does. And I said a prayer, thanking God for meeting me in the midst of working through my emotional baggage, for having a deeper relationship with Him because of it and for being where I am today, extra weight and all.

So, if you don’t have anyone to say this to you, let it be me. God cares deeply about your heart and your emotional health. It can be daunting to dive into something that feels so layered. I promise you the work is worth it.

Steward your body as well as you can, but more importantly steward your heart well.  And when others’ hurtful words leave you feeling bitter and resentful, be diligent to pray about it, understanding you don’t want to carry that resentment, remembering you want to keep your heart healthy.

You are good, and you are wanted by Him, flaws and all.

 

Sarah Nichols is a writer who loves encouraging women by sharing hope-filled stories that point others to Jesus. She lives in Tucson, AZ, with her husband and four kids. You can find more from Sarah at http://sarahnicholswrites.com.