Forgiveness and the Blessing on the Other Side
4 Things I Learned
Mysti Jordan, Morning Show Co-host
I actually excel in not forgiving people. If holding a grudge was a spiritual gift, I would have it. Now, thankfully, I am on the other side of it, but I wanted to share my path to forgiveness and the blessing that I have been able to find on the other side of it.
The Struggle with Forgiveness
My mom and I lived with my grandparents. My aunt and uncle lived close – so these were my people. It was kind of like having three moms and two dads, which, when you’re the only kid, is amazing at Christmas. But I was aware at the start that there was something missing. From the beginning, I knew it. I saw kids at church with their daddies. I saw kids in daycare and preschool with their daddies, and I just knew I did not have that same sort of family.
Growing up, I always felt a void where my father should have been. I spent a good portion of my life pretending he was not a part of me. His absence wasn’t just physical; it was emotional, a gap in my heart that I couldn’t quite understand or articulate. As a child, I longed for his presence, and as I grew, this longing turned into a deep-seated bitterness.
Navigating Emptiness
My father’s absence cast a long shadow over my early years. I remember moments of deep sadness, wondering why he wasn’t there. This emotional turmoil often manifested in my relationships and my mental health, leading me down a path of depression.
I was hospitalized for depression for the first time at 15 years old. My therapist thought speaking to my father might do me some good because I had so many questions.
My mother tracked him down, told him about my hospitalization and asked, “Would you be willing to call her.” He eventually agreed to it.The first question out of my mouth was, “Why did you leave me?”
He said, “I did not leave you? You were taken from me, and your family does not really love you. I am the one that loves you. They only keep you to use you against me.”
I hung up from that conversation with that hole in my heart filled, but now it was filled with bitterness, resentment and this burning hatred for this man, and those things only got worse over the years.
A Challenge to Forgive
Once my relationship with Jesus got back on track, I tried to fight that unforgiveness, but I couldn’t let it go because it was such a part of my identity. I didn’t know who I would be without it.
After I switched from Top 40 to Christian radio, I went to Global Leadership Summit, where someone led a 60-seconds of forgiveness exercise. It was literally 60 seconds. He said, “Close your eyes and think of somebody that you need to forgive, and then spend the next 60 seconds giving it to God and letting it go.”
The Path to Forgiveness
I almost laughed out loud, but the second I closed my eyes, I saw my father’s face. It seemed impossible, but as I whispered forgiveness, I felt an unexpected release, as if years of weight were lifted from my heart.
All of the hatred I had been holding on to was gone just like that.
It was supernatural; it was incredible; it was freeing. This exercise in forgiveness became a pivotal moment in my life, and it was just the beginning. I started to see my father’s absence not as a personal failure, but as a result of his own limitations. This understanding was a crucial step in my journey towards healing.
4 Takeaways from my journey so far:
I have only been able to achieve authentic forgiveness with full surrender. It is only when I really give it to God that I can do it. I cannot do it on my own. I still have some work to do.
- Forgiveness is not a “one and done.”
That was a huge surprise to me. I thought when I had forgiven my father the first time that was all I have to do.
Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Peter came up to the Lord and asked, ‘How many times should I forgive someone who does something wrong to me? Is seven times enough?’ Jesus answered: ‘Not just 7 times, but 77 times!’” (Matthew 18:21-22 CEV).
2. Forgiveness frees the real prisoner: you.
Ephesians 4:31-32 says, “Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you” (NIV).
There is real freedom there. I felt so much lighter when I was able to finally let this go in a way that I had never experienced before. And I wonder now why it is not any easier for me; I still struggle with it.
3. Forgiveness strengthens your faith.
Psalm 30:21 says, “Blessed is the one whose transgressions are forgiven, whose sins are covered” (NIV).
And again, I go back to the fact that I could not do this on my own. This is something that no matter how hard I tried with my own power, I could not let these grievances go. It was God that was able to accomplish that in me, and that was a huge faith builder and relationship strengthening between the two of us – when I see that He can do what I thought was completely unthinkable.
4. Forgiveness mends broken fences.
Proverbs 17:9, “Love prospers when a fault is forgiven, but dwelling on it separates close friends” (NLT).
If you are struggling to forgive, I hope this be an inspiration for you. I am working my way through a big list right now, but I know there truly is blessing on the other side of forgiveness. It is worth the work.
Mysti Jordan, Morning Show Co-host