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I relapsed mainly because I was gaining weight. I was good for a month. I wish it didn't matter so much to me and society what you look like but it does especially if you're a female. It matters in everything. I don't understand why God would make a shy, sensitive girl fat? I'm already plain looking. I don't have a cute face to fall back on. I guess pray that either I can accept being morbidly obese and being alone the rest of my life, or that God won't send me to hell for being a drug addict. I hate lying to my family about it but looks are all that matter in this shallow world and I'm so sensitive I'm almost positive I would end my life myself if I got like that.