Shame’s Deception and Comparison’s Snare
A Candid Conversation with Christian Bevere
In our journey through life, we often encounter waves of emotion that can either propel us forward or pull us under. Among these, shame, regret and the trap of comparison are particularly potent, stirring within us a turbulence that can be hard to calm.
Recently, Family Life Radio had the privilege of diving deep into these topics with Christian Bevere, author of “Break Up with What Broke You – How God Redeems and Rewrites Your Story”. Her book, a beacon of hope and clarity, shines light on these often-misunderstood emotions.
Christian wrote from the vantage point of “This is how God showed me to heal.” Two chapters of Christian’s book are about shame and regret. She says, “I found the moments that I regretted were an instance in time [the regret] was tied to. I said that and I shouldn’t have; I did that and I shouldn’t have. But shame was this idea that followed after it.”
Shame’s Deception
“Shame, as Christian eloquently puts it, “takes us to being someone God didn’t even create us to be. We’re just being carbon copies of what we think He wants.”
Shame’s deception is a deeper, more insidious belief that we, as we are, are not enough.
Shame’s deception is not just about feeling bad for something we did; it’s a deeper, more insidious belief that we, as we are, are not enough. It pushes us to wear masks, to hide our true selves, and in doing so, we drift further from the unique identity God has crafted in each of us.
Christian encourages us to embrace our individuality, reminding us, “If God made us fearfully and wonderfully, He gave us all special purposes and talents and facets of who He is.” When you reject the lies of shame and regret, you begin to walk in the fullness of our God-given identity. It’s about recognizing that each of us is a unique expression of God’s creativity and love.
But how do we navigate the choppy waters of comparison, especially in a world that constantly bombards us with images of ‘perfect’ lives? Christian admits the challenge, sharing her own struggles: “I felt like I overcame the looks comparison … And then the success comparison came, and my, that just really doesn’t stop.”
Christian offers practical advice, suggesting a 21-day challenge to change our mindset: “Have a note on your mirror … It’s hard just to turn away from something, but if we actually run to something else, I think we can find the new muscles to take on these thoughts.” It’s about creating a habit of redirecting our thoughts from comparison to contentment, from envy to acceptance.
Coveting Another’s Success
It’s not just about desiring another’s possessions; it’s also about the intangible – their success, their looks, their life. Recognizing this as a form of coveting brings a new level of awareness to our relationship with God and others.
Perhaps one of the most comforting aspects of Christian’s message is her acknowledgment of the ongoing nature of these struggles. “If we can actually answer the harder question of God, ‘Am I doing what you called me to do?’” she asks, highlighting the importance of continually seeking God’s direction over our own comparisons and achievements.
Asking this question helps us continually align our hearts and actions with God’s purpose for our lives.
Shame, regret and comparison are universal experiences, but they don’t have to define us. Remember that our worth isn’t measured by our past mistakes, the masks we wear or the standards of others.
Your true value lies in how God sees you – unique, loved and created with purpose.
As we embrace this truth, we find the freedom to celebrate our individuality, and to walk confidently in the path God has laid out for us.
Christian Bevere
Christian Bevere is passionate about seeing women discover their identity in Christ. A firm believer in God’s redemption story, she shares powerful truth and practical applications through her books, podcast, online platform and teachings.
She is an experienced creative director and content creator with a focus on branding and communication. She is skilled in writing, design, branding, video editing and content strategy.
Wife to Arden Bevere and mother to Azariah Jax Bevere, Christian is on a mission to help others encounter God, silence shame and avoid settling for less than His best.
Visit christianbevere.com
Catch Christian on her podcast Dear Future Husband, or follow Christian on social:
Instagram @mrschristianbevere
YouTube @TheBeveres
TikTok @TheBeveres
Wife to Arden Bevere and mother to Azariah Jax Bevere, Christian is on a mission to help others encounter God, silence shame and avoid settling for less than His best. Visit christianbevere.com.
Catch Christian on her podcast Dear Future Husband, or follow Christian on social:
- Instagram @mrschristianbevere
- YouTube @TheBeveres
- TikTok @TheBeveres
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